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Entery 4

July 1, 2012

Just finished my 3rd week, got a week and a half to go I finish on July 11th.
Now my only problem is I’m in such difficulty with money I can’t even pay basic bills now. I’m still owing a debt collector £60 this month as of today, and I haven’t been able to pay any form of rent for the past 2 months, That needs to be £45 per month.

I’ve become ill this week as well, I can barely talk my throat feels like its just had hot led poured down it followed up with a cheese grater, along with the constant taste of blood/iron in my mouth. Before that I’ve been feeling Dizzy and VERY tired and I’ve been getting the runs again, and once again I can’t get to the doctors, I just do not have the money to get out to them 5 miles away. And unless I’m registered as disabled they don’t do home visits for those with no transport!
I can’t move house because I’m so badly behind with my rent due to all the screw ups over the past several years by south hams district council so I’m literally stuck with out access to medical facilities, unless I have money or a bus pass entitling me to free travel. Oh but then there’s still the 3 mile walk out to the bus in all weathers and healths! So I’ll just have to carry on being ill and hope I don’t pass out while at MWA or something,

So this week I’m finding myself in deep trouble, with all the screw ups and the doubt has arisen forms that show up its practically become a full time job doing the jobs of those in the benefit sections because they wont pick up a phone or send an e-mail to communicate with each other!! in this day and age there is no excuse for the disgraceful lack of communication between departments!

I’m going to CAB on the 16th to see one of their legal people to see what they can do to help, I’m not expecting much, as they seem to forget their 9 miles away from me, but still its worth a shot, small help is better then no help after all.

my placement was much the same this week, Steam cloths, sort stock, rag old stock, make cups of tea/coffee, run basic errands and do the same the next day, the only thing I haven’t done is be till trained, which is fine, if I’m only there for a few weeks what’s the point? I’ll probably stay on a day or two a week just to keep my CV up to date and just to simply get out for a few hours! But 30h in a charity shop dose seem pointless, as they don’t need that many hours off of anyone aside from there managers. Please don’t get me wrong the people at my placement are fantastic and I feel lucky I got them as a placement.

I also feel like I’ve been given a community service judgement for just being unlucky. Like being unlucky is suddenly a crime. As I found out last year taking seasonal work is like shooting myself in the foot, I need something LONG term, viable and constant. I don’t have the option of “going home to mummy and daddy” Because their 6feet under and have been since 2005, Where I got lumped with looking after my autistic 15 year old brother, with people scaring him half to death saying “I’m schizophrenic” Right after my parents died, Just because I relaid a message to him I was told by my mother to tell him should she end up in hospital with an illness that attacks her 1 remaining lung.Half of them are the REAL killers of my mother, with the smoking inside the house which had been banned ever since she’d been diagnosed with asthma, and she had pneumonia and was on a ventilator and they smoked under her room where that was a lift up into it that acted like a chimney, as well as brining in a chest infection that brought on the pneumonia, and those same people are running around saying I killed her? Because I told my brother what I’d been told to say and went home after being in the hospital all night and I still had animals to walk and feed? You tell me, who killed her?
those who gave her the chest infection while aggravating her asthma in her one remaining lung with smoking under her room with a lift that acted like a chimney and the ventilator machine next to them with the label “No smoking, No necked flames”?
me passing on a message I’d been told to give a HARD and PAINFUL message my younger brother while trying to keep up with my responsibilities of looking after my animals while coping with the loss of my Dad who died of a heart attack in our local shop just 2 weeks prior to that?

I have tried to turn my life around I’ve really tried, yet every time I start to get somewhere SOMETHING happens aether from south hams district council or the job centre, I’ve been on and off benefits since I was 19 I’m now 30, I feel like I’ve been cheated out of 11 years of my life by the benefits system. NOBODY in their right mind can truly believe people want to Exist like this, because its not living your trapped in an endless cycle. after you hit 25 jobs start passing you over in favour of the school leavers, All the “opportunities” go to the 16-25 age bracket after that your screwed, I have to say when I was in that age bracket I really don’t remember the Opportunities being all that helpful aether. It was just excuse after excuse from the Job centre, Now its reinforced wall after reinforced wall, whenever I try to do something for myself, Including trying to go back to college its “we’ll put sanctions on you”. I read somewhere on the news reports of a guy who set himself on fire at a job centre, Honestly I can understand why, DWP, JCP and the gov’ are pushing people beyond braking point. I hope he recovers, but those responsible for playing with his life and pushing him (or anyone else) this far really need to be held accountable for attempted manslaughter or in cases of successful suicide or death from “ATOS” where people have been forced to work and died from the illness that prevented them from working it should be a charge of full manslaughter. No one has the right to play with peoples lives like this.

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